all the stories can't be lies

He had wrapped the cloak of his protection about her shoulders.

Tomorrow is promised to no one, Doctor, but I insist upon my past. I am entitled to that. It’s mine.

Hi! Most of the time I answer questions privately, if I can, but I hope you don’t mind me answering this openly, I just think that this is a topic that is so often spoken about and I really should put my own thoughts out there.

First of all, I just want to state that one cannot really fake kindness towards society. I mean, you can fake kindness, if you want, but that won’t make you kind. Yet, Sansa fans keep saying that Sansa is kind. I don’t think society wants her to be kind (that’s kinda silly). Society wants her to be proper. And if she’s not proper, then she gets punished (by Joffrey, in this case) for speaking her own mind (for example, when she tells him she hates him, he has her beaten). So she remembers her lessons: “A lady’s armor is courtesy.” I don’t think courtesy and kindness are the same thing, because kindness is genuine, while one can be curteous to people they hate (which is something that Sansa very often does). I pretty much think there’s a mix up in people who see her -not kind- just because she says the things her abusers want her to say, and in the meantime they miss the moments where she’s not being curteous, but she actually is kind.

Okay so, the wedding. I actually began to despise this topic in fandom, because some people cannot really grasp the fact that both Sansa and Tyrion are in a horrible situation, and they either blame Sansa or Tyrion for things they shouldn’t take blame at all. Sansa not kneeling to Tyrion has literally nothing to do with her being kind or not. It’s not even about her being curteous or not. She’s a 12 year old girl forced into a marriage she doesn’t want…? Honestly, she acts out of emotions and it isn’t right, because Tyrion is a disabled person who gets humiliated (and no, this is not his punishment for whatever reason people mention!). And then, eventually, Sansa’s kindness (not her courtesies!) make her kneel, because she has empathy and compassion and she feels ashamed for her stubborness. She eventually shows real kindness towards Tyrion during the wedding (as much kindness as she possibly can show, in that very painful moment for her), and yet, after all this (being in the text and all) there are still people who hate her for not kneeling during the cloaking. Why? I have no idea. She tried her best, if you ask me.

I think there are plenty of moments for Sansa’s kindness, some of my favorites were listed in that reply by @sparklehorsette (very eloquently, I might add :) ). I think she’s kind to Dontos (and she genuinely cares for him), towards Lancel (even though he was cruel towards her, she tries to help him, and even she’s confused by her own genuine actions), she also shows kindness towards Sandor, Tyrion (with these two as much as she can, I guess; with Tyrion it’s a mix with courtesies though), Margaery, Sweetrobin, lots of people in the Vale, that old dog♥…(but, there’s this lovely list, I recommend it to everyone). Most of these are genuine kindness, and not just an act.

What causes people to ignore her kindness like that…Some might think that her courtesies are like a basic programming for her…? But they are not, it’s more like a defense mechanism. In AGoT Sansa enjoyed being a proper lady, and being polite towards everyone was an important part of that (and I see no wrong in that tbh, she enjoyed being a lady, so what?) But later… Sansa opresses much of her feelings, doesn’t let them surface, because it would make her vulnerable (and some would hurt her, deeply), so she keeps her mask on, always, and hides behind her courtesies. And honestly, this was explained in text, so I don’t really understand the confusion people have with this:

“What … what does he want? Please, tell me.”
“He wants you to smile and smell sweet and be his lady love,” the Hound rasped. “He wants to hear you recite all your pretty little words the way the septa taught you. He wants you to love him … and fear him.”

So, in conclusion, I’d say that Sansa can be courteous and she can be kind - but the two shouldn’t be viewed to be the same (but perhaps some people do view it as the same). I think, that the more agency Sansa will gain throughout in TWoW and ADoS the more we’ll be able to seperate the two. And, I say it without a doubt that Sansa’s kindness and compassion is a very important aspect of her character, and it is real.

[insp]

I know this isn’t what you’re looking to hear but…the backlash against Petyr in Season 5 was kind of warranted, particularly from a writing/characterization standpoint, and I don’t see how HBO can return to the kind of mentor/protege relationship he has with Sansa in the books without some major logical sacrifices in either plot or character development. His decision to drop Sansa off at Winterfell, to marry into the family that helped orchestrate her House’s downfall, with no guards or other Vale attendants, can be attributed to one of two things:

1. This character, who for FOUR seasons we’ve been told is a political mastermind, responsible for setting into motion many of the conflicts that have been rippling outward since Season 1, is in fact, a moron. One of the most brilliant men in Westeros really was unaware of Ramsay’s reputation when many others were not, saw nothing foreboding in their flayed man banners, and didn’t hesitate to trust Roose Bolton, a man who has already shown the rock bottom value of his word and loyalty. Sansa’s entire experience at Winterfell really was a whoopsie daisy which Baelish will be shocked and appalled to learn of when they (apparently) reunite.

2. The value show!Petyr places on show!Sansa is just much, much lower than how he seems to view her in the novels. That means, even if he knew about the Boltons, leaving her at Winterfell unprotected was worth the risk. At the time of the TWOW sample chapter, Baelish has two aces in his pocket: a great deal of wealth (which everyone knows about) and Sansa Stark (which very few people know about). A lot of his current plans seem to revolve around keeping Sansa close and thinking about him in a grateful/dependent way. Both of these were tossed out the window in S5.

Now a lot of GOT characters have undergone fundamental changes from their book counterparts, it isn’t just Petyr and Sansa. The specific problem here is that while the current trajectory in the books has been to further entangle them, make them co-conspirators (some things, like Petyr’s manipulation of the Lords Declarant, Sansa is merely aware of; others, like the lies about Lysa’s death, the use of sweetsleep with Robert, and the TWOW tourney, she participates in with varying degrees of willingness), the show is driving them apart. It’s already been confirmed that Baelish didn’t know about Ramsay (so, bullet point #1), but will Sansa believe that? Heck, does the audience, no matter what the writers intended??

I personally think the show’s narrative has gone past the point of no return for Sansa to trust and depend on Petyr like she currently does in the books. If D&D were to essentially loop back to the state of their relationship at the end of S4/beginning of S5 (which is still different from their relationship in the books, mind) then they would essentially be declaring her entire S5 storyline as pointless time filler while other plots caught up. Which I guess they could do. But it would be lazy and stupid and gross and as great a disservice to the characters as S5.

I’m not trying to say that Petyr’s feelings and motivations regarding Sansa are any “better” in the books than in the show, but they do make much more sense. I love the character because of his complexity and yes, the villainous aspects (I maintain ASOIAF has very few true, black and white villains) but even his most reprehensible actions follow a logic that GRRM laid down in book one and continued to develop. And making random characters do random things for pointless shock value, especially when they’re my faves, doesn’t inspire much hope for future seasons.

If this makes you feel any better, I don’t think this was the end of it! I mean I am still hoping in a reunion - at that time she had serious trust issues (and she had a good reason to!), and honestly, Tyrion needs to get his shit together, because he’s a mess right now. Sansa is learning from Petyr for now - and how healthy it is, I won’t comment, but let’s just say, it’s also a very interesting dynamic, Petyr is the one who shouldn’t be trusted - but he can gain it (at least for the time being). I’m 100% certain Sansa needs to learn from him, and at the end of the day she will be a strong and independent woman who will have a much better sense to politics than most - and she’ll have a very good sense to observe people and see through lies.

To be honest, I think Tyrion is good at politics, he’s an extremely good observant and a liar, and an ambitious person, but he has lots of problems he needs to deal with, and he can’t reach out to Sansa at any circumstances, not until Sansa lets him (if she ever lets him, I can’t tell), and anyways he has to teach another girl because she absolutely has no idea on her own how to train her dragons ^^

And you KNOW I dove back into the text to see what Sansa’s dress looks like. I’m not playing around! Not on request day! 

More finished requests coming in from the other day. I’m STILL working. I’ll put out a post when all is said and done in case someone might have missed theirs on their dash. 

Parallels between Tysha & Sansa (through Tyrion’s eyes) - inspired by missmaplesleaves’s request